I am not reviewing books right now. Please don't email me.

[Krista D. Ball]

All right folks. I don't know if I'm on a list somewhere, or if it's because folks think I'm nice ( ), but I am getting a lot of review requests. Much more than usual. I did a blog post telling folks to stop, and gave a number of pointers on how to approach reviewers. This tripled my emails 

I've tried to be nice to everyone who has emailed me. I've sent along tips to hunt for reviewers. I'm just at the point where I'm going to start ignoring people.

Several are KB members, several are not. This isn't to pester the ones that are new and that I've spoken to; I've tried to help them all as best as I can. For everyone else who is thinking about asking me to review their work, the answer is no.

Guys, I do try to help and I really do want to give people assistance. However, I do not have the time to review manuscripts and I certainly do not critique already published work. (which is no longer a critique, but a review).

[George Berger]

Guys, I do try to help and I really do want to give people assistance. However, I do not have the time to review manuscripts and I certainly do not critique already published work. (which is no longer a critique, but a review).

Will you say something nasty and quotable about a forthcoming book of mine, without trying to muddle your way through it first? I'm woefully lacking i celebrity anti-endorsements. 

[NathanWrann]

What's your email? I'd like to send you my book to read and review.

[Krista D. Ball]

Will you say something nasty and quotable about a forthcoming book of mine, without trying to muddle your way through it first? I'm woefully lacking i celebrity anti-endorsements. 

I'd rather stab myself in the face than read another page of this book.

Krista D. Ball, author of Road to Hell and other well-written books

[Krista D. Ball]

What's your email? I'd like to send you my book to read and review.

 

[Victorine]

Did you ever ask for books to review? Or is this just something you're getting out of the blue? I mean, I've had a few people ask me if I could review, but I wouldn't say I get too many to respond to each one.

[Krista D. Ball]

I haven't taken books for review since August. The old review site is clearly labelled as closed to reviews. I stopped getting requests where just one or two would trickle in a month. No biggie.

I've gotten 8 today. 4 yesterday. 7 or 8 the day before. In fact, I've gotten more requests the last month or so than I did all of 2011.

I think I'm on a list somewhere. I really need to get off this list...

[T.L. Haddix]

See, this is what I mean. All 'elitist' behavior and stuff. Like you're better than us. Pfffttttt.....

Good luck finding the list. Seriously. That has to be annoying.

[Bards and Sages (Julie)]

It doesn't help, hun.  After I posted my rather public rant not long ago regarding why I am no longer reviewing books, I got a dozen "I'm sorry people treated you that way.  Would you consider reviewing my book I promise not be be a psycho" requests.

Because every author is a unique little snowflake, and the rules obviously do not apply to them even if they apply to everyone else... 

[George Berger]

I'd rather stab myself in the face than read another page of this book.

Krista D. Ball, author of Road to Hell and other well-written books

OMG TYVM <3!!!1111eleven!

I've gotten 8 today. 4 yesterday. 7 or 8 the day before.

Nine today. Check your inbox. 

[Krista D. Ball]

Check your inbox. 

 

Dear Sir or Madame;

I note with great appreciation your skill at reviewing fiction, and appreciate with great sympathy the time constraints that you, too, work under as a writer.

It would mean a great deal to me if you could provide some positive feedback on my forthcoming short story - a literary form I know you're fond of. So as to save you time, I've included below a few sequential selections excerpted from this 4,500-word epic.

Respectfully yours,
Alfred J. Prufock, Esq. a/k/a/ George Berger

----begin excerpt----

(C) 2012 George Berger
All Rights Reserved

...glared sullenly...congealing lunch...meticulous details...military invasion...imaginable contingency...slightly nervous...utter lack of romance...unprecedented offer of twenty dollars...twitched slightly...nonexistent love loves...food poisoning...capable hands...statistically speaking...products of farm country...spork...ungrateful little bug-eyed twerp...subtlety was entirely lost on them...lasts more than a couple of hours...I'm going to steal your...decades of use and abuse...bitter disappointments...completely infallible...scorn and laughter and ridicule...suffering...thrown up in disgust...vomiting contingency...only doing it for the money...go on a date...disappointment of Christmas...foul-smelling savage...outsiders might have been alarmed...contemplating the horrors...useless buffoons...got proof...less attractive than yourself...howling Boxing Day blizzard...uncharted waters...gloomy introspection...punch to the shoulder...twisting the icy screwdriver of despair...big conspiracy theory...disease...stupid things...the magic of alcohol...throw up on me...limb-trembling terror...motley assortment of cows...seething resentment...unaccustomed speed...like being married...regretted the lost opportunity...not be very good at kissing...suspicious nonchalance...almost romantic...blood-stained sheets...men are pigs, after all...pathetic scum...just doing it for the money...gotten cold...give in to your impulses...something stir inside...slightly soft...quit your whining...long and hard...kind of confused...kind of weird...need large sums of money to even feign interest in romance...slightly awkward...ridiculously drunk...important life lessons...vomited together...a little blurry...physically ill with jealousy...pointed innuendo...half-hearted grumbling...go to such extremes...ignored all her protests...thoughtfully awkward...because they love each other...evil little freckled hussy who'd beat her...aching...pretending to...think their parents don't know...it all works out in the end, exactly like all good love stories should...

----end excerpt----

[telracs]

dear sir or madam,
would you read me book?
took me years to write it
would you take a look?

[Krista D. Ball]

I've had a rather rotten few days. You guys have sure cheered me up. 

[telracs]

I've had a rather rotten few days. You guys have sure cheered me up. 

i'm sorry, but potential queen empress of mean cannot be cheery!

[T.K. Richardson]

So I guess that's a 'no' on reviewing my 12 book epic fantasy series by next week?




(Edit: Check to see if your old review blog/website is on this list. If so, I'll remove it right away.http://writersresourcedirectory.com/Book_Reviewers.html)

[Krista D. Ball]

Nope, not on there. I don't seem to be on the big lists...

[foreverjuly]

What's your email? I'd like to send you my book to read and review.

Beat me!

[T.L. Haddix]

dear sir or madam,
would you read me book?
took me years to write it
would you take a look?

Is it based on a novel by a man named Lear?

[telracs]

Is it based on a novel by a man named Lear?

glad someone got it!

[Gregory Lynn]

Can I tweet you about it?
 

[Judi Coltman]

I haven't taken books for review since August. The old review site is clearly labelled as closed to reviews. I stopped getting requests where just one or two would trickle in a month. No biggie.

I've gotten 8 today. 4 yesterday. 7 or 8 the day before. In fact, I've gotten more requests the last month or so than I did all of 2011.

I think I'm on a list somewhere. I really need to get off this list...

It's either a list or someone read somewhere that you were nice.   

[D a l y a]

I have already Fedexed my manuscript to your home.  Do not be alarmed by the ticking sound, it is simply the mechanism that shoots out a shower of sparkles and perfume when you open the package.  I want my book to be memorable for you.

[David Adams]

What's your email? I'd like to send you my already published book to read and critique.

I fixed that for you. Wah-hah-hah-hah-haaaaaa...! Mine is an evil laugh!

I have already Fedexed my manuscript to your home.  Do not be alarmed by the ticking sound, it is simply the mechanism that shoots out a shower of sparkles and perfume when you open the package.  I want my book to be memorable for you.

All I can say is: "The book starts with a bang! An explosive start, guaranteed to leave you shell-shocked!"

[Krista D. Ball]

It's either a list or someone read somewhere that you were nice.   

I'd like to know where these lies are being spread about me 

[R M Rowan]

I'd rather stab myself in the face than read another page of this book.

What happened to the fork in the eye?!