You know you're a writer if . . . .

[J.E.Johnson]

Hey Everyone!  It's been a long while since I've posted anything fun, so I thought it's about time I did!  Now, I'm not sure if anyone already has a discussion going on like this, but I apologize in advance if I'm hijacking your idea  .  Anyhoo, here are the rules:  you've received the emails or taken the surveys that state, 'You know you're a ____ if . . . .'   Well, why not begin one for us writers!  I'll start it off with a few that I can think of off the top of my head, and hopefully you'll be able to come up with some better ones.  Alright, here goes:

You know you're a writer if:

1.) The conversations in your head eventually make it onto your notebook/word document
2.) You own an unabridged dictionary and/or thesaurus
3.) Several keys on your keyboard are either unrecognizable or they stick in place
4.) Your idea of 'A fun weekend' involves being locked away for several hours in silence with nothing but your notes, your computer and your dictionary to keep you company
5.) You keep a notepad and pen in the cupboard of your bathroom in case a new idea arrives while you are taking a shower

Okay, now let's hear some of yours!  
-Jenna

[Brendan Carroll]

I'll go first (or second after Miss Jenna)  The italics are my own additions to her list of answers:
You know you're a writer if:

1.) The conversations in your head and all your dreams eventually make it onto your notebook/word document
2.) You own an unabridged dictionary and/or thesaurus and a reverse dictionary with pictures and several How Things Work illustrated books.
3.) You have no friends or all of your friends are either virtual or imaginary.
4.) Your idea of 'A fun weekend' involves being locked away for several hours in silence with nothing but your notes, your computer and your dictionary to keep you company
5.) You measure your life from keyboard time to keyboard time and all else in between is just fluff or happenstance.
6.) Everyone you know thinks you are crazy, your family has disowned you, your loved ones think you don't love them and your neck hurts all the time.
Okay, now let's hear some of yours!  
Brendan Carroll

[NAmbrose]

Well, let's see:

About a year ago I was attempting to finish my last book and also write a suitable synopsis to submit to a trad publisher, and realized I was just stuck and getting nowhere.  My wife (also a writer, bless her soul...) decided I needed some time away to regroup and recharge, and so researched and found a vacation condo in the trees up north (Payson, AZ area) and booked it for me.

So here I was, alone, looking out on a forest of pine, in a beautiful 2 bedroom condo with granite counter tops and a fully stocked fridge, and what was I thinking?  Why won't the dang broadband connection work so I can finish researching the geography and layout of medieval Ortigia, Sicily?  I was there for a week, of which 6.97 days were spent banging keys and staring at my copy of Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing, .02 days cramming food in my face, and .01 days standing at the back door and contemplating going for a walk.

Well, at least I finished what I'd been working on, and vaguely remember the smell of pine and the color green.  I guess that makes me a writer...

[Carolyn Kephart]

You know you're a writer if people quietly move away from you at Starbucks because you're channeling your climactic murder scene...or love scene...

[Lynn ODell]

When in conversations with people, you get distracted because you are filling in the action words in your mind, such as "she said" or "he smirked" or "he said as he turned up the volume of the television."

[mamiller]

You know you're a writer if you walk into a Senior Citizen home and a crowd of 90 year-old ladies say, "Ohhhhh, you're the author.  Zelda!  Ann's grandaughter the author is here!" 

[OliviaD]

When in conversations with people, you get distracted because you are filling in the action words in your mind, such as "she said" or "he smirked" or "he said as he turned up the volume of the television."

I second that, RA! Sometimes I mutter 'he said to himself' or 'I said as I made my way toward the exit' under my breath when I encounter inexplicable things in my ramblings.  For example, someone in line in front of me at Wally World picks up a package of pre-formed, pre-cooked chicken patties and asks the cashier "What are these chicken patties made of?"  I might mutter to myself something like: "Why, they are made of beef, pork and lamb by-products, sodium bicarbonate iridium, calcium excludium, burnished copper and zinc," the cashier answered with an idiotic smile on her lovely face as she brushed back her beard to expose the skull and cross-bones tattooed on her neck.

No offense to Wally World employees.  I worked there myself once upon a time...

[David Derrico]

You know you're a writer if ...

... your productivity is measured in how many words you wrote today.
... you think "omg ur 2 rite lol bff 4 eva" is an abomination.
... you pull out clumps of your hair when people confuse "your" and "you're" or "there," "their," and "they're."
... it drives you nuts to see signs with random quotation marks, like "FRESH" FISH or BUY ONE GET ONE "FREE."
... you have a 2 GB folder (for drafts, reviews, cover art, various e-book formats, etc.) for a 1 MB manuscript.
... you know that Amazon updates their sales rankings at :50 after each hour.

[David 'Half-Orc' Dalglish]

...no matter how much you have accomplished that day, you still feel like you slacked off if you didn't write.

David

[J.E.Johnson]

Yay!  These are great!  David, I love yours  (not "you'res")
-Jenna

[Ricky Sides]

You awake after a brutal nightmare and the first thing you think is, "Now that would make a cool storyline!"

You see a really adorable person of the opposite sex and wonder if she / he would like your books.

You see family you haven't seen in months and they ask you how your latest book is coming along.

You get offended when people say they hate reading.

You panic when you click the post button on forums before using a spell checker. The same goes for proof reading.

[JennaAnderson]

You know you’re a writer if …

You hope to win the lottery so you can quit your day job and work on your novels full time.

You are having a hot romantic night with your partner and stop to take notes.

You are introduced to your child’s classmates: Anders, Temple, and Keaton and ask them to spell their names.

When you see a new book by your favorite author you instantly judge the cover art and title…. Then you open it up and read the first paragraph.

You know all the rules of a query letter.  Hell - you know what a query letter is!


       

[David 'Half-Orc' Dalglish]

You panic when you click the post button on forums before using a spell checker. The same goes for proof reading.

A-freaking-men.

David

p..s

J.E. Johnson, you might notice there are two Davids in a row right before you posted. I'm pretty sure you were talking about Derrico's longer, funnier list, but fair warning, there's a second David lurking around now, and he gets confused very easily.

[Author Eyes]

You take parts of every news story you see, hear, or read about, and create your own drama about the people in them.

[J.E.Johnson]

LOL!  Thanks for the warning David the Second . . . I shall keep a wary eye open . . .
When I have some free time (which is a joke, because I'm a writer and all of my free time is selfishly horded away to use on my 'art') I shall gather all of these wonderful 'truths' and put them together on one list.  Hmmm, maybe I'll start this thread on facebook . . .
-Jenna
And here are some more:
You know you're a writer if . . .

You've jotted down an idea while driving to work (I was stopped at a traffic light, I swear!)

You draw out a map for your new book's world and then spend ages meticulously creating smaller sections of said map to use as references

You keep a list of random names you think sound awesome somewhere in your files, adding to it every now and again

You've spent more money then you've earned selling your book to the public

[Edward C. Patterson]

You know you're a writer when your index and middle finger bow to accomodate a pen, but a writer does not an author make. You know you're an author when you notice every shimmer in the fricative and keep it locked away to be decanted at sweet times when in the zone, that world where only authors dwell and writers sadly look away in envy.

Edward C. Patterson

[Carolyn Kephart]

You know you're an author when you notice every shimmer in the fricative

You know you're a writer when you murmur to yourself "Hm, I'd have probably said 'sibilant'..."  

You know you're a writer when a stop at the produce section evokes inner rhapsodies about imperial aubergines and dawn-hued chard.

Edited: You also know you're a writer when you're torn between 'evokes' and 'provokes.'

CK

[Archer]

You know you're a writer when...

...in response to being stricken with a bad case of writer's block, you contemplate weaving an ice-pick up one of your nasal passages, positioning a large rubber mallet over the handle, and giving it a hearty 'whack'.
 (swish and flick!)

...they arrest you on a dark night for vandalism because you have been painting over all the hideously incorrect apostrophes displayed in public places.

...you actually DO subtract points for incorrect spelling and grammar in your college-level science courses!

...you believe that the death penalty should be abolished except in the case of trolls who write bogus reviews.

...you receive some of your most golden gems of inspiration while mucking out horse stalls.

(hmmmmm...)

[J Dean]

You know you're a writer if...

You see people only in terms of how eloquently and innovatively you can describe them on paper.


And if you despise words ending in "ly"

[Archer]

I'm so allergic to adverbs, I don't even like broccoli!

 

(sorry...had to do it.)

[Author Eyes]

I'm so allergic to adverbs, I don't even like broccoli!

 

(sorry...had to do it.)

Archer, I greatly and fervently object to your honestly rendered post.

[Jeff]

You know you're a writer if half your mail consists of self-addressed, stamped envelopes.

[mamiller]

You know you're a writer if half your mail consists of self-addressed, stamped envelopes.

Amen! 

[David 'Half-Orc' Dalglish]

...you have nightmares of standing before your English professor, who is decked out in black judge robes, hammering a gavel and shouting "Omit needless words!!"

Aah, freshman year.

David

[scottnicholson]

...you hang out in writer forums...

Scott
The Red Church